Having a few beers after golf yesterday and one of the guys of German

descent was having a hard time of it. We are getting new shirts and he
was asked in a joking manner which side he wanted his swastika.
He stood up and said in a loud voice "I'm sick of all this shit. I'll
have you know that my Granddad died in a concentration camp"
Well you could have heard a pin drop in the embarrassed silence.
"He got pissed one night and fell out of the guard tower"
I for one fell off my chair laughing.

One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. "I've got some

Good news and some bad news", The Lord said.

Adam looked at The Lord and said "Well, give me the good news first."

Smiling, The Lord explained, "I've got two new organs for you,

One is called a brain. It will allow you to be intelligent, to

create new things, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for

you is called a penis. It will allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form

and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children."

Adam, very excited, exclaimed, "These are great gifts you have given to me.

What could possibly be bad news after such great tidings?"

The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, "The bad

news is that when I created you, I only gave you enough blood to operate one of

these organs at a time."

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),

MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME?

MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!

ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.

On the second day, she heard the doorbell.

Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a grey-haired gentleman

sitting in a wheelchair.

He had no arms or legs. The old woman said, 'You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!

The old man smiled, 'Therefore, I cannot run around on you!'

She snorted. 'You don't have any arms either!'

Again, the old man smiled, 'Therefore, I can never beat you!'

She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, 'Are you still good in bed???'

The old man leaned back, beamed a big smile and said,

'Rang the doorbell didn't I?'