The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous Primary 2 Teacher.
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years.. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own Primary 2 classroom a few years back.
When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my pupils. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pets, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
'First, Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mum's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mum starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's pizza man. They got my Mum to lie down in bed like this' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mum had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)
'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mum's play-centre, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there.'
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.
Now you have two choices.....laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!! Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!
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1. Men are like Laxatives
They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like Bananas
The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather
Nothing can be done to change
them.
4. Men are like Blenders
You need One, but you're not quite sure why..
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars
Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right
for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials
You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores
Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like Government Bonds
.... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like Mascara
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn
They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms
You never know when they're coming, how many
inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like
Lava Lamps
Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like
Parking Spots
All the good ones are taken, the rest are
handicapped.
Hey! People Say Life Begins At Forty.
(This is not a joke)
Well my cousin reckons it starts at 63 having
just purchased this 'Thing'.
I'm still trying to figure out were the guide dog goes..........
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