Friday Fun

I'd just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips,
mushy peas & a jumbo sausage.
A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I have not eaten for two days'

I told him 'I wish I had your will power'
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I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things
commonly found in cells.

Apparently "Jocks" and "Scoucers" were not the correct answers.
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A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'Sorry
about the wait.' I said 'don't worry fatty, you'll lose it eventually '

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I walked past an aboriginal kid apparently begging at a Bus Stop. As I

came out of the Bank, he looked at me and said 'Any Change' I said

'Nope! You're still Black'
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Snow in the forecast! The TV weather girl said she was expecting six
Inches tonight..... I thought to myself, fat chance with a face like that!
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An Irish boy stands crying at the side of the road.
A man asks What is wrong??
The boy says Me ma is dead
Oh bejaysus the man says ‘Do you want me to call Father O'Riley for you?’
The boy replies ‘No thanks mister, Sex is the last ting on my moind at
the moment’.
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I have a new pick up line that works every time. It doesn't matter how
gorgeous or out of my league a woman might be, this line is a winner and
I always end up in bed with them.
Here's how it goes 'Excuse me love, could I ask your opinion? Does
this damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
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Years ago it was suggested that an apple a day kept the doctor away.
But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon
sandwich works best!
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Japanese scientists have now created a camera with such an immense
shutter speed that it is now possible to take a photograph of a woman
with her mouth closed.
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I hate all this terrorist business. I used to love the days when you
could look at an unattended bag on a train or bus and think to
yourself I'm going to take that.
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Man in a hot air balloon is lost over  Ireland . He looks down and
sees a farmer in the fields and shouts to him ‘Where am I?’
The Irish farmer looks back up and shouts  ‘Ye don’t kid me ye
flash bastard. You're in that feckin basket’.
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I had a Trivia competition shot to pieces until the last question
which I got wrong. The question was "Where do women have the curliest
hair?"
Apparently, the answer I should have given was  Fiji ..