Just For International Ladies Day.

Jokes About Men Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters 1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. 6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell  them apart. 7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make  some woman miserable. 8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it. 10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in  biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. 14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes,  it means that you laugh at his. 15. Sadly, all men are created equal... Comebacks to Pickup Lines Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down. Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine. Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator. Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?  Woman: Do not enter. Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there? Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing. Because I'm a Man Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with  a coat hanger long after hypothermia has set in. Calling the AAA  is not an option. I will win. Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running very well, I will pop  the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at.  If another man shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used  to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers  and everything, I wouldn't know where to start." We will then  drink a couple of beers, as a form of holy communion. Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold, I need someone to bring  me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan.  You're a woman. You never get as sick as I do, so for you,  this is no problem. Because I'm a man, I can be relied upon to purchase basic groceries  at the store, like milk or bread. I cannot be expected to find exotic  items like "cumin" or "tofu." For all I know, these are the same thing. Because I'm a man, when one of our appliances stops working, I will  insist on taking it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost me twice as much once the repair person gets here and has to put it  back together. Because I'm a man, I must hold the television remote control in  my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I may  miss a whole program looking for it...though one time I was able  to survive by holding a calculator...(applies to engineers mainly). Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask me what I'm thinking about.  The true answer is always either sex, hunting, sex, cars, sex, tractors, sex, fishing, sex, sports or sex. I have to make up something else when you ask, so don't ask. Because I'm a man, I do not want to visit your mother, or have  your mother come visit us, or talk to her when she calls, or  think about her any more than I have to. Whatever you got her  for Mother's Day is okay; I don't need to see it. And don't forget  to pick up something for my mother, too. Because I'm a man, you don't have to ask me if I liked the film.  Chances are, if you're crying at the end of it, I didn't...and if you  are feeling amorous afterwards...then I will certainly at least  remember the name and recommend it to others. Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing is fine. I thought  what you were wearing five minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair  of shoes is fine. With the belt or without it, looks fine. Your hair  is fine. You look fine. Can we just go now? Because I'm a man, and this is, after all, the year 2007, I will share  equally in the housework. You just do the laundry, the cooking,  the cleaning, the vacuuming, and the dishes, and I'll do the rest....  like wandering around in the garden with a beer, wondering what to do.